help for me to be a better friend

OK,

I have a problem. I have a friend, whom I've known my entire life, that I seem to antagonize rather support. I seem to have alot to say on her subject of weight loss but she does not want to hear it...................she has alot on her mind right now, I know I'm not making it any better. But some how I can't button up my mouth and I can't just sit back and watch her flounder again it just saddens me, it has hurt her marriage in the past, it hurts her self esteem and ability to get out and do things and have the energy............I have some questions.......

1. How do you encourage without preaching? Atleast that is what she thinks I do. I try to present a different way of thinking, and ways to get there. Of course, they are not welcome and that frustrates me.

2. How does a person want to talk about something without wanting the advice to get over it?

3. How do you present ideas without making it seem negative?

4. How do you just listen but not say anything to help? That is the hardest thing for me. I am a problem fixer. I want to fix the problem with my friend. I've watched it go on so long and I saw some great progress with her for about 6 months when things were going better. But now she is backsliding with some things that have happened recently in her life and stress of newly started, very hard schooling.

5. Is it wrong to call someone on their, what I see as excuses?

Part of me wants to say, buck up and get moving, your health is number one, if you don't have your health where do the other pieces of your life fit in. Health is everything. And part of me wants to just hug her and say OK I want to listen to you and not saying anything. But my big mouth gets in the way and I don't do that. I want to change the negative behavior in that person that makes her eat too much or give her the tools to over come the past and not use it to keep up the negative behavior. She's had alot of diet programs, so maybe she has heard it all before but when do you stop thinking about diets and think about lifestyle change to quit those habits? When do heed the advice of those programs? How do you get your head and thinking to a different place and quell those urges?

I am going to try to change myself. "If you can't change someone else, change the way you think."I am trying to get away from atagonizing. She says I give her negative thoughts. I don't see them as negative, it's more facts and steps to being healthy. No excuses, no buying bad food, no poor is me attitude so I'll eat to feel better, be strong. I do want to be a better friend. I know I treat friends I have now better than I do her. I do listen to them better than her probably. I've known her for so long since infancy basically. Do you ever have someone in your life that you get so frustrated with that you are harder on them than anyone else? That behaviors you have seen your whole life still happen after 20 yrs. She thinks I want her to be me, to think like I do. I don't want that except to value herself and get healthy. I am of normal weight, I do exercise, bike ride and my husband is in good shape, runs everyday, bikes etc. I do understand nutrition. I do read a lot about nutrition and how it affects the body. I want her to have strategies in place to overcome stresses and eating. To get to a healthy weight as the older we get more stress is put on the body in other areas that is hard to come back from. Knees go, joints go, high blood pressure and cholesterol. She has a husband who does tri's and is in very good shape and a child I want her to be able to show healthy ways to and a strong constitution. I don't know how her husband supports her or if he knows of her backslide in her health the past month or so. She is working on her professional life, finding a profession she can work in and studying. But you can't sacrifice your health, well being, to get there. That has to be in place first, I feel, to get to the other places you want to be. Am I wrong?

I'm almost sick over this. I know it is hard to change behaviors. I'm going to work on mine in dealing with this friend and other friends too. I think I am a strong person, a person that wants to help too much. Now I need some help, I'm seeking help from the blog community to give me some help on this subject. I welcome any and all advice. I hope I can find some that will help me be a better friend.